Oh what's that? When you were a little kid you played the clarinet? The flute? The banjo? The saxophone? The guitar? Oh yeah? Well I played the kazoo. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
I later learned to play the piano and for like a week I tried to play the flute. My flute skills sounded like this: "flllfffffffffff" "fllllllllllllfflflflffffffffff". Thankfully for my partner's sake, my skills in this area got better as an adult. Ahem. I was okay at the piano, but my teacher said I would never be great because my hands were too stubby.
So I played the kazoo. No this is not a joke and yes this is a real instrument. It has a website and everything. Oh yeah, it's real alright. This is for DogsonDrugs: Enter Sandman, ala Kazoo:
How to Play a Kazoo
According to the website,
The whole idea behind the instrument is, that a kazoo player by singing
or speaking through the instrument induces an air current which makes
the membrane vibrate and thus creates a summing, "nasal" sound.
The reason I'm choosing to tell you about the little red kazoo I used to play, rather than the 2 times I almost drowned in a kayak is that we're about to get metaphorical. Get ready.
You know the teacher in Peanuts? All the kids hear when she speaks is bwah bwah bwah bwah..
Do you notice how much she sounds like a kazoo? So now I'm realizing two things.
First, to some students I must sound like a kazoo. Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't know we had homework? I'm sorry writing it on the board every day for five days in a row, plus emailing you twice yesterday, speaking to you about it in person, posting the schedule online and giving you a paper copy of the schedule, and having a guest speaker come in and specifically talking about the homework wasn't enough.
Second, for the past few months, maybe the past few years, I have felt so dislocated. Now I have a metaphor to understand that dislocation. I've lived in 2 countries and 3 states in the past 10 years. I have moved eight times in the past 10 years. And number 9 is on its way. That's a lot of times. And none of the times have been toward a place where I belonged.
|Seriously. Get out of my end hole. You end hole.|
So maybe it isn't me being crazy. Maybe it's just that I don't speak the language here, and I need to live somewhere that doesn't communicate through kazoo up the wazoo. I don't get it here and it doesn't get me. It makes me feel a great deal better to realize what I have to do.
I need to shape up so I can ship out. I'm up to 40 mins of cardio per day and 20 mins of weights, 5x a week. I haven't lost a single inch or pound. But, like the honey-badger, I don't give a shit. It's still a massive improvement over 5 weeks ago. I'm stronger and have slightly more endurance. It will happen. I want to be the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom.
12 of you joined up last week! We have 5 more weeks to start patterns that we stick with for the future. Last week I talked about how I decided I needed to get in shape for the Zombie Apocalypse. Well, then I did some thinking. What if the zombies are like me and really just like to drink beer and eat potatoes? Cerveza y papas fritas. Mmmm. That's called Wednesday night at my house. So now it's called Zombie Happy Hour.
Check each other out. Jules just did the freaking Warrior Dash and went on a trip. Dan is trying to work his love for grilling with his love for being in shape; enter: P-90x. Rachel is having a bit of a hard time and needs some cheer! Wendy's book is totally coming along and she has a great attitude about helloo.... being in the top 25 of a great writing contest. Brandon found an awesome way, through Youble, to work out online and on the go - check it out! For other exercise suggestions and recipes check out my Pinterest page.
Gina is living the life as a 20 something, cooking great meals (alternated with cheetos), meeting a new guy, decorating a new apartment, and loving her job. Hair questions? Ask ginagurl! Cindy is not only totally rocking out her mental challenge of not letting a total Dragon Lady beezie ruin her mojo, but is making a wedding dress for her daughter-in-law, and has an amazing recipe for healthy chocolate mousse. Yum!
Reanna will crack you up with her tales of trying not to make fun of the goobs at work. Caitlin will not only inspire you with her "before" and "after" photos, (and her "guns"), and let you look at a pretty girl in a bikini, but if anyone's ever tried to overcome chewing your nails, you better read her struggles too!
Brett is starting to notice the dreaded droopy under-chin, while Robin is trying to keep up with her younger hottie hubby. We're glad she didn't buy a $3000 dog, but she needs encouragement because like me, she hasn't seen changes yet. And finally, Tracy won the Cherry Blossom 10-Mile Race!! You guys! I can't even run to the store.
I know there are others out there. I'm looking at you Tri-ing to be athletic and Flourish. Who else wants to link up?
We have 4 more weeks. We can still burn 8-10lbs in that time! We can still make some good changes spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially. It can happen. I am noticing some great changes in all of you - making friendships, supporting each other, winning races, falling off the horse and getting back on again. I can't wait to hear how your weeks went. And if this wasn't your best week, let's commit to all having one positive story to share for Week 7. Do it!! I mean...
I can kazoo. Can you?