Oh what's that? When you were a little kid you played the clarinet? The flute? The banjo? The saxophone? The guitar? Oh yeah? Well I played the kazoo. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
I later learned to play the piano and for like a week I tried to play the flute. My flute skills sounded like this: "flllfffffffffff" "fllllllllllllfflflflffffffffff". Thankfully for my partner's sake, my skills in this area got better as an adult. Ahem. I was okay at the piano, but my teacher said I would never be great because my hands were too stubby.
So I played the kazoo. No this is not a joke and yes this is a real instrument. It has a website and everything. Oh yeah, it's real alright. This is for DogsonDrugs: Enter Sandman, ala Kazoo:
How to Play a Kazoo
According to the website,
The whole idea behind the instrument is, that a kazoo player by singing
or speaking through the instrument induces an air current which makes
the membrane vibrate and thus creates a summing, "nasal" sound.
The reason I'm choosing to tell you about the little red kazoo I used to play, rather than the 2 times I almost drowned in a kayak is that we're about to get metaphorical. Get ready.
You know the teacher in Peanuts? All the kids hear when she speaks is bwah bwah bwah bwah..
Do you notice how much she sounds like a kazoo? So now I'm realizing two things.
First, to some students I must sound like a kazoo. Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't know we had homework? I'm sorry writing it on the board every day for five days in a row, plus emailing you twice yesterday, speaking to you about it in person, posting the schedule online and giving you a paper copy of the schedule, and having a guest speaker come in and specifically talking about the homework wasn't enough.
Second, for the past few months, maybe the past few years, I have felt so dislocated. Now I have a metaphor to understand that dislocation. I've lived in 2 countries and 3 states in the past 10 years. I have moved eight times in the past 10 years. And number 9 is on its way. That's a lot of times. And none of the times have been toward a place where I belonged.
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| Seriously. Get out of my end hole. You end hole. |
So maybe it isn't me being crazy. Maybe it's just that I don't speak the language here, and I need to live somewhere that doesn't communicate through kazoo up the wazoo. I don't get it here and it doesn't get me. It makes me feel a great deal better to realize what I have to do.
I need to shape up so I can ship out. I'm up to 40 mins of cardio per day and 20 mins of weights, 5x a week. I haven't lost a single inch or pound. But, like the honey-badger, I don't give a shit. It's still a massive improvement over 5 weeks ago. I'm stronger and have slightly more endurance. It will happen. I want to be the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom.
12 of you joined up last week! We have 5 more weeks to start patterns that we stick with for the future. Last week I talked about how I decided I needed to get in shape for the Zombie Apocalypse. Well, then I did some thinking. What if the zombies are like me and really just like to drink beer and eat potatoes? Cerveza y papas fritas. Mmmm. That's called Wednesday night at my house. So now it's called Zombie Happy Hour.
Check each other out. Jules just did the freaking Warrior Dash and went on a trip. Dan is trying to work his love for grilling with his love for being in shape; enter: P-90x. Rachel is having a bit of a hard time and needs some cheer! Wendy's book is totally coming along and she has a great attitude about helloo.... being in the top 25 of a great writing contest. Brandon found an awesome way, through Youble, to work out online and on the go - check it out! For other exercise suggestions and recipes check out my Pinterest page.
Gina is living the life as a 20 something, cooking great meals (alternated with cheetos), meeting a new guy, decorating a new apartment, and loving her job. Hair questions? Ask ginagurl! Cindy is not only totally rocking out her mental challenge of not letting a total Dragon Lady beezie ruin her mojo, but is making a wedding dress for her daughter-in-law, and has an amazing recipe for healthy chocolate mousse. Yum!
Reanna will crack you up with her tales of trying not to make fun of the goobs at work. Caitlin will not only inspire you with her "before" and "after" photos, (and her "guns"), and let you look at a pretty girl in a bikini, but if anyone's ever tried to overcome chewing your nails, you better read her struggles too!
Brett is starting to notice the dreaded droopy under-chin, while Robin is trying to keep up with her younger hottie hubby. We're glad she didn't buy a $3000 dog, but she needs encouragement because like me, she hasn't seen changes yet. And finally, Tracy won the Cherry Blossom 10-Mile Race!! You guys! I can't even run to the store.
I know there are others out there. I'm looking at you Tri-ing to be athletic and Flourish. Who else wants to link up?
We have 4 more weeks. We can still burn 8-10lbs in that time! We can still make some good changes spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially. It can happen. I am noticing some great changes in all of you - making friendships, supporting each other, winning races, falling off the horse and getting back on again. I can't wait to hear how your weeks went. And if this wasn't your best week, let's commit to all having one positive story to share for Week 7. Do it!! I mean...
I can kazoo. Can you?
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35 comments:
O.k., I'm in. I'm in need of change because holy shit, am I a mess.
I'm focusing on getting my writing going - getting my book submission ready. And also getting healthier [kicking this bullshit sinus infection]. And getting healthier as in getting in better shape. And getting mentally healthier. And getting a new job.
Jesus, no wonder I've been so fucking cranky.
I'm in. You inspire me. All of you.
XO
I think the kazoo is a very challenging instrument. I could never play one. It tickles the lips something fierce.
Good luck with all the other challenging stuff too, but I think if you can play a kazoo you can do anything.
Btw, do not block the end hole would make a great motto. It has so many meanings.
This definitely wasn't my best week - had a few things I had to deal with and it's been sort of hard. But... it's picking up - so hopefully by next Thursday I'll have better things to report. Thanks for the kazoo video though; it really made my day! Can't help but laugh when you see it.
I think I remember getting cheap kazoos in some cereal boxes as a kid. We put pennies in that membrane hole thingy. Other than that, the only thing I remember is the annoying sound it made.
It's still a struggle finding time to workout. I get home from work around 4pm and go to bed at 9. That leaves just a few short hours to do some household chores, help kids with homework, cook supper, eat supper, get the kids a bath, take a shower, find the time to do something together as a family...etc. You get the point, not enough time!!!!!!! Makes me just want to scream, or quit working!
I understand! I know some people at work have been getting up an hour earlier or working out during lunch break, but that's just not possible for all of us, including me. One thing my friend has been doing is he joined the Y so he takes his kids to the Y and they play for 45 minutes while he works out, and then time for baths, dinner, homework, etc. Hang in there. Even two weekend workouts BEFORE the grilling would make you feel good :)
I feel like "I didn't get hit by lightning" trumps most of our accomplishments so.. ;)
Exactly. Very metaphorical indeed ;)
YES!! I have been cranky for MONTHS!! Join up, we can find the un-cranky ;)
Good luck with the book submission. This is a big hurdle, but once you get it out there, it's going to be fantastic.
Almost getting hit by lightening was actually very fun lol... I'm serious. I had been sort of upset all day - but then after the lightening I was practically jubilant. It was so nicely exciting!
Hi, yes I have played the kazoo, also the comb. "The comb?" you ask. Oh yes, simply place a piece of paper between your lips and a comb and hum. It will make a pleasant tickling on your lips and you can play any tune you can hum. Best regards to you, Ruby
Pish you are amazing...I'm just sayin. You've got mad memory skills girl. You killed me with the honey badger reference. Love me some honey badger. I can't play the kazoo. Nope, can't do it. I am so damn ticklish I just crack up tryin. I can't use that soniccare toothbrush thing either. And don't even get me started on "my personal vibrator".
The humble kazoo. So underrated, so maligned. But, in the right hands (or rather, in the right lips, at the other end of a working pair of lungs), it can deliver wonders. The Metallica clip above is sublime. Here's the corresponding ridiculous:
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Don't be ashamed of your gift. Instead, look on the bright side. You could have chosen the Keytar.
I fell off of this challenge almost as soon as it started.
Get back on the horse Captain!
Hee hee :) Okay thank you.
I love honey badger. haha I definitely will NOT get you started on your personal vibrator hahahaha
I feel ticklish just thinking about it!
I believe you've inspired me! I've been seriously contemplating starting a workout regimen (contemplating being the key word), but this post just might push me over into actually doing it. Thank you! Also, as a fellow teacher who gets the "we had homework due today" excuse too often, I feel your pain and frustration. Great post!
http://melinmidlothian.blogspot.com/
You are hilarious! and you summed us all up very well.
nope, never played a kazoo.....wasn't even sure what it was til now.
like you though....I know I am not crazy. It's this town. It's these people. I don't belong here. I don't want to be here. But for now, it's where i must be. thanks for your encouragement each week!
I have never played a kazoo. I get the feeling, though, that I am the only person getting "unfit" on this challenge. The nutella is killing me...
Kazooing is but one of the many many things I'm incapable of. I did manage to learn flute and sax back in the band camp days.
You are all re-inspiring me. I've lost motivation this past week because I'm losing my Game On! diet/lifestyle game - all because I'm not able to stop being an asshole even for a cash prize. Today was particularly bad, only it felt so freaking good! I will try harder tomorrow.
I managed to get exercise in my life by 'allowing' some freaking jerk to smash my car to pieces. Since it was a total write off, I decided not to replace it right away. Since I hate taking the bus, I spend a lot of time walking to and from work - about 3 miles.
Not that I recommend vehicular destruction, but it was kind of a motivating factor for me to re-think how I live, and it's definitely been good for my health and my bank account.
One of my favorite songs is Crosstown Traffic, simply because kazoo playing in a song that somehow remains utterly kick-ass, is way fucking cool in my book.
I am behind on my blogs and always look forward to catching up with you. Thanks for the shout out!
I'm not linking up, since I have a different kind of blog. But I'll be following along! I have about 35 pounds to drop, so yeah...it's time to commit. Good luck!
OmG I wish I knew about A to Z blog challenge! Gosh darn it. What did YeahWrite get me into? I found you! Now I'm all about the mutual blog love. I eat meat, don't judge me. You and @housetalkn are giving me a serious blog lesson. And here I thought I was the geek in the group!
You know I think we each are carrying around a very small dog. When we all get fit, we can say we're one bitch lighter.
Housetalkn's blog is rockin, and so is yours. There is so much to yours - I feel like I could quit my job and just become a professional Angela Shelton reader. It's like a magical wonderland of support, creativity, humor, and bullfrog hunters.
The A-Z challenge is cool but it's a little exhausting. What the heck am I going to do for X and Q.
And I judge no one for eating meat. I judge people a little bit for eating squirrels. But I shouldn't. It's just that they're squirrels I mean SQUIRRELS.
True. How disgusting, to eat tree-rats. You can't help but judge.
But needs must, in this economy.
That's some good free meat! Squirrel pie. "Don't marry a woman if she can't cook bullfrog." Phil from DD.
Aww shucks, yes you can fall down the rabbit hole.
How about "X is for the X that marks the spot of where I'm at right now" and "Q is for Quit Complaining and get on with it." That's what I'd do if I had heard about it in time!
It's disgusting until you try it. (hahaha, wow am I a huge DD fan or what?) And it doesn't get any more organic than what walks across your yard. To quote Jase, "Store meat makes me nervous."
Go guys! I take a good walk daily, mow the lawn, chop wood and am hauling, carting, chasing, cleaning...
Yep 35 lbs to go and balancing the %&^&^#@ thyroid. It's disheartening, but it comes off eventually. I believe!
Eatin' squirrel brains is where ya get yer smarts.
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