We need a secret club of ninja assassins. I hear about things that are so awful I can't bear it. And sometimes people just get on my nerves. Together, we will hire an elite assassin team of Ninjas, Sasquatches, Dominatrixes, and form our own Justice League. We have too many cruel people on this planet, too much brutality, too much dumb-fuckery, too many assholes, and too much getting on my damn nerves.
Cracked just did a post on what it would look like if one crime was legalized. This is their number1:
|Everyday life if One Crime Were Legalized - Manx377|
Ninjas for urban areas, and Sasquatches for the woodland folk. The best thing about ninjas is their stealth. The best thing about sasquatches is their ability to only be seen by crazy people. Combined, the ninja sasquatch stealth assassins would be a Swat Team that would never be traced back to us unless too many people read this post. But only cool people read my blog.
There would be four levels of punishment:
- LEVEL 1: SLOW PAINFUL HORRIBLE DEATH
This is reserved for people who hurt children, people who abuse animals, sexual predators, dictators, mutilators, and generally the worst people on the face of the planet who cannot and will not change.
- LEVEL 2: JUST DEATH
This is reserved for people the world just does not need but who are not necessarily cruel and sadistic. But are total wastes of space. Like Rush Limbaugh.
- LEVEL 3: BITCH-SLAPPED BY A DISEASED FISH
For an hour. This is for people who are annoying as shit! Loud chewers, tail-gaters, telemarketers, most airline stewardesses, people who work for phone companies, and naughty children.
- LEVEL 4: PAINT-BALLED
This is reserved for people we love who annoy us but who may not survive the fish-slapping. Our Swat Team will simply paintball them at an unexpected moment and leave them a flier with info on how not to annoy the living hell out of us. They will have to wear the mark of shame for at least 24 hours.
I know who I would put on the list. Who would you add to the list, and what level?
*remember, this is a joke. do not assassinate or fish-slap anybody*