|You can drink beer and look like this if you're also addicted to diet pills, meth, and/or bulimia|
We have a situation here. I'm pretty sure drinking beer is making my elbows fat.
I'm not a big person, but I'm fairly short and my weight is at the highest end within normalish (keep telling yourself that...). Don't I sound like a sexy little troll? A hot hobbit? I'm certainly a lot more than what it says on my driver's license. I hate it when I get speeding tickets because I know they look at my driver's license and then look at my elbows and stomach and think who you trying to fool, lady?
Sometimes I look at my beer gut and wonder if I'm pregnant. I've even taken pregnancy tests, because I would prefer to be pregnant rather than just the obvious fact that I'm fat and lazy. The other day my cousin suggested focusing on weights rather than cardio, because cardio just makes you "skinny fat." What the hell is skinny fat?!
Maybe skinny fat means squishy? I used to work out every day and do martial arts. I was taut, sexy, and confident. Pants hung comfortably on my hips like low-slung gun belts in the old west. But then my martial arts gym shut down and its been too cold to drive to the gym on icy roads when its dark at 4pm. When you struggle with depression you don't really care that you're a chubamuffin, or at least you can't fight it. For the past few months I replaced hitting the heavy bags with hitting the heavy beer, and crunches with cheese nachos. Not only have I gained 15 lbs of unwanted beer-gut, but all my muscle tone has gone to squish.
Recently I've noticed I have squishy elbows. Skinny fat elbows? Elbow fat... who knew? It's actually the arm squish that hangs over my elbows but I've become that teacher, I think. The one whose arm fat jiggles while she writes on the chalkboard, whose kangaroo womb-pouch pushes out the waistline on her slacks, and whose butt is flatter than a pancake and wider than Nebraska.
Is there a thigh-master for elbows? I'm pretty sure elbow fat is proof of a problem. You know how I accidentally tried to go vegan for my friend and I cut out beer and cheese? Then all you assholes told me that was stupid and I should eat cheese and drink beer. Enablers! And still I resisted. Then my friend casually mentioned that she hadn't even been doing her diet because she decided she was already close to Christ. For chrissakes I'm doing this diet for someone who isn't even doing it. So now I'm back to beer and cheese. I mean goddammit even my cats are fat.
Not hating myself enough is my real problem. I think I need a little more motivation to kick my butt in gear and get into the gym. I'd like to fit into my clothes and firm up my elbows.
What inspires and motivates you to stay fit and active and what's your routine? Does anyone else have fat elbows? New squish in unexpected places?