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| You can drink beer and look like this if you're also addicted to diet pills, meth, and/or bulimia |
We have a situation here. I'm pretty sure drinking beer is making my elbows fat.
I'm not a big person, but I'm fairly short and my weight is at the highest end within normalish (keep telling yourself that...). Don't I sound like a sexy little troll? A hot hobbit? I'm certainly a lot more than what it says on my driver's license. I hate it when I get speeding tickets because I know they look at my driver's license and then look at my elbows and stomach and think who you trying to fool, lady?
Sometimes I look at my beer gut and wonder if I'm pregnant. I've even taken pregnancy tests, because I would prefer to be pregnant rather than just the obvious fact that I'm fat and lazy. The other day my cousin suggested focusing on weights rather than cardio, because cardio just makes you "skinny fat." What the hell is skinny fat?!
Maybe skinny fat means squishy? I used to work out every day and do martial arts. I was taut, sexy, and confident. Pants hung comfortably on my hips like low-slung gun belts in the old west. But then my martial arts gym shut down and its been too cold to drive to the gym on icy roads when its dark at 4pm. When you struggle with depression you don't really care that you're a chubamuffin, or at least you can't fight it. For the past few months I replaced hitting the heavy bags with hitting the heavy beer, and crunches with cheese nachos. Not only have I gained 15 lbs of unwanted beer-gut, but all my muscle tone has gone to squish.
Recently I've noticed I have squishy elbows. Skinny fat elbows? Elbow fat... who knew? It's actually the arm squish that hangs over my elbows but I've become that teacher, I think. The one whose arm fat jiggles while she writes on the chalkboard, whose kangaroo womb-pouch pushes out the waistline on her slacks, and whose butt is flatter than a pancake and wider than Nebraska.
Is there a thigh-master for elbows? I'm pretty sure elbow fat is proof of a problem. You know how I accidentally tried to go vegan for my friend and I cut out beer and cheese? Then all you assholes told me that was stupid and I should eat cheese and drink beer. Enablers! And still I resisted. Then my friend casually mentioned that she hadn't even been doing her diet because she decided she was already close to Christ. For chrissakes I'm doing this diet for someone who isn't even doing it. So now I'm back to beer and cheese. I mean goddammit even my cats are fat.
Not hating myself enough is my real problem. I think I need a little more motivation to kick my butt in gear and get into the gym. I'd like to fit into my clothes and firm up my elbows.
What inspires and motivates you to stay fit and active and what's your routine? Does anyone else have fat elbows? New squish in unexpected places?
41 comments:
I don't have fat elbows but I do think I have enormous forearms. I'm extremely self-conscious about them.
I've gained so much weight in the last year or so :(
Well quit eating spinach, Popeye!
I'm sure they're not that bad. I doubt anyone actually notices my elbow fat but me, and I doubt anyone thinks your forearms are big.
What're we going to do about this damn vulvar cancer vs elbow fat forearm enormity? There's gotta be a better way.
When you figure it out let me know. Maybe we could work out our morning rage by burning calories somehow.
Ha! This was great. I realized this year that I am 'fitness bi-polar.' I'm either in really great shape, or softer than the Pilsbury Dough Boy. And if you truly are skinny-fat, be happy that at least you are still labeled skinny! ;)
You're not fat until you can pinch and inch on your forehead. -- Ron White
Actually, most "experts" say that the key to weight control is diet (not dieting) and not working out. Portion control and what you actually eat (like, don't eat processed crap (especially corn syrup)) will do way more to keeping your weight down than hours and hours in the gym.
True but seriously I am very healthy. I don't eat meat, I don't drink soda, I eat almost no processed foods. I eat fruit in the morning, fruit and veg for lunch and sometimes a very small pb & j, then vegetables for dinner, sometimes with beans, cheese, and a beer. That's it. I have no other vices, and my portions are small. I eat like a squirrel. Fruit, nuts, beans, that's mostly my diet. The beer doesn't help but I don't always have beer and rarely have more than 2. Something about my femaleness just leads to squish. And elbow fat.
I have zero forehead fat!
No one said I was skinny fat. I don't even know what that means. Luckily I have fat in mostly attractive places. Like no cankles yet or anything but the elbow slouch has got to go. I'm a fitness bipolar too - once I get started Im way into it. Or, I'm on the couch all the time. Your sister and I used to call it "on the boat." We'd spend whole weekends "on the boat."
Nothing more irritating than someone complaining about elbow slouch and associating it with being eing chubby. Do you remember THAT girl in middle school complaining how she is "hideous" because she has one pimple? And you are staring at her peaches and cream complexion with your own pizza face smeared in Clearisil? Ya, don't be that girl.
the ladies i live with say my elbows are teh sexay. My problem areas are the usual - love handles and facial wrinkles. I'm starting to look 41.its getting harder to maintain the body at this age
Men get "distinguished" women get creepy old.
Listen numnuts, I am a little bit chubby. I'm definitely not fat. Not even close. I'm just noticing a distinct lack of muscle tone in my ELBOWS which is weird. Don't get cranky because I get to eat cheese again. Go put some miracle whip in your bologna guacamole. I'm not talking about 1-2 pounds. 18 lbs on a 5'2" frame is a lil squishy.
Hey!!! I thought in blogs you can't get snarky with the posters.. In any case you need to post a picture of said elbows. That might be a difficult picture to take.
I can't, I'm all elbows... GET IT?
I'll try. I'll put some elbow grease into it.
Honestly, my elbows are like freaky pointy ninja knives. They will perhaps be helpful when the zombie apocalypse hits. Until then, they are just weird. But oh...the beer belly...it's a bit soft. I am usually a yoga person but lately I have been working out with my love. We do a whacked out mosh pit dance for a while and the medicine ball and some light weights; it serves as our comedy hour also. They do say laughter is good for the stomach muscles, right?
Oh I hate the medicine ball. It's so heavy! ;)
If and when the zombie apocalypse strikes I will call on you to bring the hammer smackdown on some zombie beezies with that pointy elbow.
Enjoy your elbow definition JEANE. Must be nice.
Don't forget to video tape your whacked out mosh pit. You'll want to save it so show the grandchildren someday..
You're a difficult picture to take.
Ah, well, yeah, there is that. My wife gets quite upset on a regular basis that all I sort of have to do is think about losing weight to do it. She gets up and exercises every morning, and all I do is watch her and get the benefit. heh
That cat pic made me laugh out loud!
That's literally what my cat is doing right now :)
Hmmm..elbow fat? Maybe you just wanted a little extra cushion for when you're putting your elbows on the table?
Yea and my brother says not to worry about my fat butt - he says its just cushion for the pushin - and I'd really like my brother not to be saying that please.
Its actually not elbow fat. Its arm fat that sags. I'm actually small and not fat, but I'm getting older and the squish is less firm than it used to be :)
Can I just add to your picture caption? ... 'You might just need braces too'! ;)
Braces?
I love this post. There is a lot of hilariously prolific things in here.
Thanks Sweet Potatoes! :)
LOL!!! I love that you have taken pregnancy tests - hoping for a baby over being fat .....hilarious !!!!
I have done the same - sadly
Many Times! (its embarrassing)
I just found your blog and I LOVE it! You are hilarious. So about that elbow fat, yeah I have it too. It developed about the same time as the armpit fat. Sooooooooo attractive. I have been doing chair dips and pushups (the girl ones of course) which better take care of it before tank top season!
Oh god yes! I am starting to get armpit chub and a slight droop that's about to be serious back fat. Thanks for the suggestions about chair dips, those are excellent.
Thanks for the nice comment too :)
Holy shit! Skinnyfat? That explains why I drop weight and look flabbier than ever. Well that's a depressing way to start the day. I work out 5-7 days a week and try to stick with my cardio until I've hit a calorie burn equivalent to my first two meals of the day. I find it keeps me from over indulging as often. It does NOT keep me from gluttony after my workout. That's why you'll find me watching Biggest Loser tonight with a glass of wine and chips and hummus. Because I feel I owe it to myself, dammit!
Inspiration... hmm well watching Biggest Loser does scare me into not letting myself get that way. More than that, I'd like to have sex again one of these days and that will mean taking my clothes off in front of another person. He might not be looking closely, but I don't want to be too enjoy it. I'd like to look like that girl in the first picture please. :(
Ah well we all would. You remind me of my cousin, and you actually look a bit like her too. She works out 5 days a week. And then gorges on starbucks and chocolates. She mostly eats extremely healthy though.
You should definitely add weights more than cardio at least 3 of those days, and weights for 30-40 minutes. Freeweights, leg presses, and so on. Even during cardio you could add light weights.
That being said, I can't get motivated. I used to work out all the time, and I looked and felt great. Kind of like that first picture. I don't know why I can't motivate myself to get into the gym. Too bad you don't live here, you would definitely motivate me.
For I have become sooo flabby. I have put on at least 15 lbs but even worse I have lost all muscle tone. 15lbs is a lot of weight for a person who is 5'2". One of the problems is that I don't like where I live and feel uncomfortable leaving my house, another is that I'm exhausted after a long day at work. Another is, my Antonio thinks I look beautiful just like this. Or so he says. All the time. He says he love the squish and that I'm sexier now than ever. I'm not. I can't fit into my pants and I can feel the flab jiggling. People have commented on my weight. And I have to lift up my tummy to shave, if you know what I mean.
SOMEONE PLEASE INSPIRE ME TO WORK OUT!!
I know once I go a few times I'll get back into it.
Oh boo hoo! So you have never had a paunch before? I have struggled with my paunch, my belly doughnut, my rolls, etc, for my entire life. My arms and legs are like iron (I lift weights) but my freakin belly is mushy! I have to be very thin overall in order to have a flat-ish stomach. Otherwise, all my fat goes to my belly. But, like you, I enjoy a glass of wine at night. I too have been NOT good about my veganism (honestly couldn't handle all the plant material intake, made me soooo bloated and grumpy. I always want to lose that 10-15 lbs, and I do succeed, but then I usually gain it back over time because my body LOVES its paunch.
You and your Boho mom are like tag-team "No Pity for Pish".
Ya except mine is more like half a bottle a night, not a glass. Also I'm way shorter than you and I don't have your hair or face, so my paunch is way noticeable. WAY noticeable. Not squish. I mean I have to lift up my roll in order to clean while I shower.
My body loves its paunch too. Some young guy your age once called it "mom belly" but the thing is... I am not a a mom.
"my arms and legs are like iron" hahaha you're awesome
A couple months ago, I had to acknowledge my back fat as a problem. I started the Game On! diet with some friends - where you compete in teams to make positive lifestyle choices. It's excellent... especially since I'm winning!
Oh really? Tell me more about that. Did you see my Get Fit! Challenge? Every Thursday-Sunday we have a linkup here and we'd love for you to join. All you have to do is write a post about goals and post a link to your blog.
At this point I'd be pleased as punch to be "skinny fat." As long as the word "skinny" is in there somewhere. I needed to lose about 15 pounds BEFORE I got pregnant, and having another baby didn't exactly do wonders for toning my abs. I'm now at the point where, though they are more comfortable than jeans, even elastic-waist pants can't be trusted not to create unsightly muffin-top bulges (notice how I blame the pants).
The pants are totally to blame. I was wearing baggy pants yesterday pulled up high to cover my gut and I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I totally looked like a square. I used to look like an hourglass and now I look like a packing box. And from the side? I look 4 months pregnant!
If you do decide to work on the bulge, come and link back on our Get Fit! Challenge posts (every Thurs to Sunday)
Hey, congrats on the move to your new site! Sucks hardcore that you lost all your comments, though. Especially since mine were all so witty and thought-provoking! Okay, not really, but if they're gone then I can pretend they were. Anyway. I KNOW I'd comented on this post about wanting to be skinny anything, even skinny-fat. Insert complaint about my body *here*.
I think you and I are on the same diet fast track. *ahem* I have armpit boob fat. It looks just darling in a tank!
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