Do you know anyone who posts passive aggressive statuses, comments, and snarky remarks?
Now there's nothing wrong with a little snark, after all, life is short. And its funny.
But there's a difference between being snarky and being a dick. There really is.
The way I see it there are several species of Emoticon Dick.
1. The Underminer
2. The I'm Just Kidding Snark
3. The I'm a Sweet-Person Sabotage
4. The Know it All Snark
5. The Status Jacking Snark
The Underminer:
And The Underminer book which you just have to read... here's a sample:
"You've finally written a novel! Oh, it's your second? I must have missed the first one. But then, I've been so busy, what with my international best seller and my company going public and my new love. (The tabloids just won't leave us alone.) Yay for you!"
When you throw emoticons alongside "poor me" people and "I'm a dick but fear confrontation" and "I'm a jerk but I fear you might outsmart me" and "I want people to think I'm nice but I'm seething with anger at the way my life has worked out" you get some ugly passive aggressive little bitch fests.
PP says that the way my mind works seems to be: "guilt/snarky/guilt/snarky...the mind of Monkeygirl" but not passive aggressive.
I am not passive aggressive probably because I'm aggressive aggressive. It helps a lot. I never put the orange juice back half empty because it pisses someone off and I'm mad at them. I just yell at them and let them have the juice out of an ex-Catholic sense of guilt. It's just healthy.
Oh I love that sweater. Did you get it at the Goodwill? I know how you like to shop there :)
Often people can't tell when I'm joking or being serious. So now I have to use emoticons.
The I'm Just Kidding Snark
I love it when people do this: "SNARK SNARK SNARK SNARK just kidding :)"
Hey all your hopes and dreams are stupid. Just kidding!
Ellen Degeneres has a great bit
The I'm A Sweet Person Snark
This is often the kind of person who asks you to stop swearing on an adult site. Or who uses happy faces rather than winky faces. They need your world to be the way they want it but they want it to be clear they're a nice person. So nice they are muttering under their breath through a clenched jaw and permi-smile. They generally need to lighten the hell up. They often identify themselves with "dear" and "sweetie". PP is really good at doing this. She claims she's being ironic.
The Know It All Snark
Then there's the passive aggressive who knows more than you. He wants to seem smart and fair and reasonable. He's never met an argument he could walk away from. And just when you think you're done, boom! Three hours later he comments AGAIN with a dick-snark comment ending with ;)
I hate the way you think...LOL,,,: )
Well here's an interesting point. snark snark shitty snark snark with shit on top... well anyway LOL :)
Smiley face says "hey I'm a shit but I want you to know I'm aware of it and feel a little bad about it."
Winky face says "I'm a dbag and think I'm smarter than you."
;) + dick-snark is the kind of person that needs to be thrown in a washing machine for awhile.
;)
And finally, The Status Jacking Snark
One breed, as STFUparents.com shows so well, is the mommy-jacker. The mommy jacker comments on statuses about dead friends with things their children did that day. The passive aggressive emoticon status jacker adds a pointless jab at your status that aims at making them feel better about themselves. Its usually something holier-than-thou or simply about themselves.
For example:
"I just made the best meal and we even had tons of leftovers"
"I'm sure the Ethiopans are really happy for you ;)"
I shit you not there is a Facebook group about passive aggressive emoticon usage
Fuck this whole blog post actually ;) :)
Do you do any of this? Do you know anyone who does?
38 comments:
I have a different take on the smiley face. I think it has more uses than "just kidding". I use it to express a "twinkle in the eye"..Like "I know we are just kidding around, but being snarky is kind of fun". But generally email and Facebook, are very difficult to express authentic feelings and creates all sorts of misconceptions of intent. I mean, writers have an exceedingly difficult job expressing emotions so how do we expect the average Joe to, especially on the fly on Facebook.
PP
I'm so excited about my first comment!! :) Yay!
Anyway, that's true but.. people can use the force wisely or to be a big poopy potato, don't you think? :)
Sometimes I use smiley faces to reassure the person that I don't mean it in a dick-way.
But I think sometimes people use it to say "I know what I just said was a dick move but hey, suck it!" ;)
People express those behaviors in person, although in a far more subtle way. Averting contact while someone is talking, darting eyes, interrupting mid thought...oh there are a million ways to make people feel like crap, and then paranoid, because they are not quite sure what is going on. Everyone does it. And people who tell the truth ALL the time (the truth as they see it) are performing social suicide.
pp
Well shit! Explains why I have no friends!
Oh god the body language of the dick-snark! Arms folded, sighs, the disinterested look, their eyes dartimg around, the lean away.. doing everything they can to consciously tell you that you are boring and listening to you is making them sick.
How do you react to that? I often panic and talk faster and try to be engaging and if that doesnt work act like I dont care either and then we end up having a show down of who can be least interested in the conversation, botn of us trying to leave first. Now thats passive aggressive.
Im really an impatient person and when someone is talking to me that I dont want to talk to I try so hard to feign interest in a genuine way. I guess thats deceitful huh? Im not trying to be fake. Im trying for their sake to convince myself I care.
Was it Nietzsche who said there is no conversation, it is just two monologues waiting for pauses?
Maybe thats why when girlfriends want to have a heart to heart over a glass of wine I panic. Theres nothing worse to me than an evening centered solely and intentionally around talking!!!!
You sound like you would be more comfortable with men's way of having a conversation. First of all, they rarely plan a date to have a conversation. For men, you might as well say, "Hey dude, let's get together talk, have a glass of wine, and then blow each other after." For example, as taught in child psychology, when you want to communicate with a boy, you have to be doing something that is primary, like using tools. For men its fixing a roof, working out at the gym, watching the game. So, you seem more comfortable in that model. Next time you come to town, let's take photo's, we can walk from your house to my house, with zero expectation of talk.
pp
Okay! Yes that's exactly how I feel. I used to have a friend who always wanted to have heart to hearts and complained that our friendship wasn't as it should be ALL THE TIME. I'd go for walks with her, come over for wine, meet for coffee. It was never enough. And it was always forcing myself even though I loved her very much because I had to be a way I wasn't. And that shit made her feel better! Long hours of pop psychology and analyzing people and things. I guess I have many friends like that. I always felt much better and enjoyed much more and would never cancel on the friend who I played squash with. We were DOING something. It was fun and active and hilarious. We talked about politics and food and life while running around chasing a ball. That's a spirit lifter.
I've always liked really quiet men. Like almost silent. Men who are nearly mute. Helen Keller as a man. But with vision and hearing.
I guess I have a hard time understanding that feminine aspect. I created a girls group for my students and omfg all they want to do is sit around and really talk. We had a three hour meeting the other night of crying and complaining and trying to get to the truth of things. Wiped me out. I didn't want to talk to another human for a week.
I would love to take photos with you that would be really fun! It would be so interesting to compare the ways we see light and shadows and shapes and textures.
I guess the question is how can I get people to understand that without seeming like a butt?
You know, I love talking to people about stories - ideas, places, experiences, things. Its a conversation.
I don't even mind talking about feelings and issues; my students come to me all the time for advice about things and I am very honored by that. But they aren't attempting to fuse spirits with me. That's what exhausts me about people who "really want to talk, a real talk". Its like they won't be happy until we've intertwined our most private inner selves and our souls.
I don't tend to hold grudges either and I've noticed some female friends do. Certainly not all. If I want to make up with someone I'd much rather just have a beer together than talk things out.
You're suggesting I'm masculine but I'm starting to think I'm autistic or something. I don't like touching or talking or people.. hmm
On the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (are you familiar with that?) I am almost 100% "T" or "Thinking" and so I think its more this than masculinity. I just don't feel comfortable with the "F" way of doing things.
http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/thinking-or-feeling.asp
Or maybe it is, I don't know. I tend to be more masculine in the sense that when I hear about a problem I want to find a solution and once I feel I have found the solution, I'm done with the problem. So when friends want to discuss feelings, I find the solution, suggest the solution, and then I am done hearing about the problem. I suppose they just want the experience of talking and listening. I'm not like that at all. If I have a problem I just want a solution and I'm done with it.
What about you?
Haha if you read that link I sent I think that explains why we differ on our OWS views :)
For me the smiley or winky face is much more literal I sometimes just want to interject my prosie with a smile. As in "thanks for making me such a lovely dinner!" At the end of something like that, you just NEED a smiley face. Because in person, I would smile. Smae with winky face. It's more like an "us against the world thing"--a sign that me and my reader both share something that perhaps others don't. I also use winky faces when I'm making fun of myself..... Now I feel like I'm too simplistic in my use of emoticons. ;)
Oh and re: Meyers/Briggs. I always have such a hard time with that. I always test SUPER strongly as an N vs S and seem to be a fairly strong F vs T. So I feel pretty confident saying that I'm an NF But the E/I thing, I am almost 50/50. Like I have a slight tilt towards I but not much at all. And sometimes, I can take the test and depsnding on how it's worded, I will come out as an E. At the end of the day, I guess I would say that I'm an "I" since crowds stress me out and I prefer one-on-one or small groups to big parties. But even more confusing for me is the P/J thing. I ususally test slightly towards the J side of things but again, frequently I'm a P. So I never really know what I am on that spectrum. How do you see me?
I defintely see you as an I. I see the T thing with you but am surpised that you test THAT far to the T side of things. At times, you are so driven by your heart and your feelings for others. I would also say that you seem in between and N and an S. Maybe more S? But you see "between the lines" a lot. So I'm not sure.
Well for punctuation I will say I just love it. It allows for plenty of room for miscommunication. You really have to be precise.
Like when people say "Happy Birthday!" on Facebook and the person replies "Thanks" it sounds a lot different than "Thanks!! :)".
The first one says "I can't be bothered with you and I'm mad at you and also who are you?"
The second says "aw that was sweet thank you!"
I TOTALLY see you as an I/E NFP.
The only thing you're really J about is your coffee table ;) And maybe articles.
I am an ISTP without fail. I think since I've been a teacher I've become less lopsidedly I since I have to be an E at work.
I wish I was an N. Its not too much of an S but I've never been anything but an S. I absolutely see the tree not the forest. I have a very hard time with abstract things and with things that are not physical and bodily and sense-oriented.
As for the T, yes I am completely T on that one. I think the "seeing between the lines" is more from my T. Maybe not, like I said I'm pretty close to the middle on S/N. But my T is just dominant. Remember its not about emotions necessarily. I am passionate and heartfelt for sure, but its not really how I make continual decisions. I think my passion comes from my S. I get wound up about music, movies, food, love, sports, murder, action. Not because I need harmony but because they are all involved with sensual experience.
Which one of these statements describes me better?
"I believe telling the truth is more important than being tactful."
"I believe being tactful is more important than telling the “cold” truth."
Let's put it this way, our lovely quirky twin friend from NM is an F. She and I took these tests together in the Career center. The instructor separated the T's from F's. It was funny to me.
She gave the groups 3 tasks and put them in a room with tables and chairs. The T's sat at a long table evenly spread out like a jury panel or conference table. We laid out our assignment, chose a leader, and accomplished the task given quick logical criteria. Then we sat quietly.
Then we turned to look at the other group, the F's. They had put their chairs in a circle with no table at all and were just talking and laughing with each other and making friends and never completed the assignment.
The teacher never remarked on that, but that to me is the difference between T and F.
Want me to write about this?
Ha ha. Well I do think I am an F but not completing a task would totally stress me out! I would be like come ON guys: we need to FINISH. Small talk AFTER the assignment. Ha ha. I can be anal about stuff like that. (Unless I think something is a waste of time. And then I won't do it to to show my disapproval.) But my task-oriented-nesss might be why I think I test more J than P.(I've taken like 3 tests today--one gave me a P and two gave me a J.) I like my lists and accomplishing things on the list. I am also super "future-oriented" and have like 15 back up plans for the "just in case scenario"--which is apparently J-ish behavior. I think my P behavior comes in the sense that I don't like to feel too restricted and I like jobs that give me freedom. But yes: write about it. I love stuff like that. :)
I have learned not to argue on Facebook. It rarely goes anywhere and people feelings end up getting hurt. I have ticked many people off (and still do) when I delete people's comments from my posts. I don't respond, I just remove it. I do this to the people who want to defend someone when I have posted a general observation about life or made some joke. IT'S A JOKE. IT WAS NOT AIMED AT YOU!
I also delete the comments that have nothing to do with my post. People don't like it, but I figure, it's my page, I can do what I want with it.
That makes sense. Especially if you have any friends like the ones posted in stfuparents
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