Do you know anyone who posts passive aggressive statuses, comments, and snarky remarks?
Now there's nothing wrong with a little snark, after all, life is short. And its funny.
But there's a difference between being snarky and being a dick. There really is.
The way I see it there are several species of Emoticon Dick.
1. The Underminer
2. The I'm Just Kidding Snark
3. The I'm a Sweet-Person Sabotage
4. The Know it All Snark
5. The Status Jacking Snark
And The Underminer book which you just have to read... here's a sample:
"You've finally written a novel! Oh, it's your second? I must have missed the first one. But then, I've been so busy, what with my international best seller and my company going public and my new love. (The tabloids just won't leave us alone.) Yay for you!"
When you throw emoticons alongside "poor me" people and "I'm a dick but fear confrontation" and "I'm a jerk but I fear you might outsmart me" and "I want people to think I'm nice but I'm seething with anger at the way my life has worked out" you get some ugly passive aggressive little bitch fests.
PP says that the way my mind works seems to be: "guilt/snarky/guilt/snarky...the mind of Monkeygirl" but not passive aggressive.
I am not passive aggressive probably because I'm aggressive aggressive. It helps a lot. I never put the orange juice back half empty because it pisses someone off and I'm mad at them. I just yell at them and let them have the juice out of an ex-Catholic sense of guilt. It's just healthy.
Emoticons have reduced the complexity of our sentiments into passive aggressive little snits. Smiley faces TOTALLY make people into underminers...
Oh I love that sweater. Did you get it at the Goodwill? I know how you like to shop there :)
Often people can't tell when I'm joking or being serious. So now I have to use emoticons.
The I'm Just Kidding Snark
I love it when people do this: "SNARK SNARK SNARK SNARK just kidding :)"
Hey all your hopes and dreams are stupid. Just kidding!
Ellen Degeneres has a great bit
The I'm A Sweet Person Snark
This is often the kind of person who asks you to stop swearing on an adult site. Or who uses happy faces rather than winky faces. They need your world to be the way they want it but they want it to be clear they're a nice person. So nice they are muttering under their breath through a clenched jaw and permi-smile. They generally need to lighten the hell up. They often identify themselves with "dear" and "sweetie". PP is really good at doing this. She claims she's being ironic.
The Know It All Snark
Then there's the passive aggressive who knows more than you. He wants to seem smart and fair and reasonable. He's never met an argument he could walk away from. And just when you think you're done, boom! Three hours later he comments AGAIN with a dick-snark comment ending with ;)
I hate the way you think...LOL,,,: )
Well here's an interesting point. snark snark shitty snark snark with shit on top... well anyway LOL :)
Smiley face says "hey I'm a shit but I want you to know I'm aware of it and feel a little bad about it."
Winky face says "I'm a dbag and think I'm smarter than you."
;) + dick-snark is the kind of person that needs to be thrown in a washing machine for awhile.
And finally, The Status Jacking Snark
One breed, as STFUparents.com shows so well, is the mommy-jacker. The mommy jacker comments on statuses about dead friends with things their children did that day. The passive aggressive emoticon status jacker adds a pointless jab at your status that aims at making them feel better about themselves. Its usually something holier-than-thou or simply about themselves.
"I just made the best meal and we even had tons of leftovers"
"I'm sure the Ethiopans are really happy for you ;)"
I shit you not there is a Facebook group about passive aggressive emoticon usage
Fuck this whole blog post actually ;) :)
Do you do any of this? Do you know anyone who does?